Directions to SweatyDrunkenSexTown

Submitted by Sheck-sy Back

One night stands are like a box of chocolates--you never know if you're going to get mouthwatering milk chocolate with roasted peanuts and toffee, or unsavory and slightly sketchy nougat with rum, raspberry cream, and raisins (though, 90% of the time it seems to be the latter). But after a few drinks, I'm somehow always willing to reach into the chocolate box and try my luck again.

Case in point: One night a couple years ago, I headed to a bar in Brooklyn to celebrate the birthday of a friend. After several glasses of whiskey, as well as a couple tequila shots, I was significantly trashed enough to start making out with a stranger standing by the pool table (I was also significantly trashed enough to forget his name...four times in a row). Flash forward to closing time, and I'm one of the last folks at the bar. A couple of dudes, including one sporting a major mohawk, invite me to some after party. But after an attempt to find late-night pizza sidetracked us, I found myself back at my apartment with Mohawk Dude and a couple bottles of OE. We were clearly on a one way street to SweatyDrunkenSexTown, which as I recall wasn't so bad...except for one minor detail: Dude would not stop biting and sucking on my neck. Even after I told him time and again to stop. And it HURT LIKE HELL. The next morning I woke up feeling like I had been punched in the neck repeatedly, then run over by a semi truck, and I was sporting some major hickeys running from my shoulder up to my earlobe. Not cool. So when Mohawk Dude woke up, we exchanged pleasantries, and he left….oh wait, just kidding, he decided to stay until almost 5 in the evening, just awkardly and silently lying around my living room, not taking any of my hints that he should probably go. At one point in the afternoon, he stood up and walked out the door without saying a word...only to return half an hour later with large cheese pizza. (So, at least he was good for something.) That night as he finally left, he told me we’d “talk soon"...however this seems unlikely as I don’t remember giving him my number--which I'd say is probably the best decision I had made in the previous 24 hours.