Librarians are Sluts Too, Ya Know

We always knew librarians were hiding something beneath those sweater sets and cat-eye glasses. And now the finally-released results of a 1992 librarian sex survey prove it.

While some reviewers are saying that there's nothing too risque to report on, we feel that there are quite a few secrets hidden amongst the stacks to discuss.

Let's start out with this one: "22% of the respondents felt that libraries should have condom dispensers in their bathrooms." WTF, why? Perhaps to save the librarians time from peeling apart the Playboy, Playgirl, and Playguy magazines that 40%, 23%, and 6%, respectively, of the surveyed think libraries should carry. (BTW, we need a copy of Playguy stat.) Or, to go along with the 17% of respondents who felt that libraries should carry X rated videos.

Then we get to the part about the librarians' own sex lives. Fittingly, each librarian was asked to liken their first time to a Shakespearean titles: 28% chose Comedy of Errors; 23% chose Midsummer’s Night Dream; 22% chose Much Ado About Nothing; 21% chose All’s Well That Ends Well; and 6% chose Rape of Lucrece.

Speaking of first times, 12% of the bookworms lost their virginity between ages 12 -15; 22% between 16 and 18; 37% between 19 and 21; 17% between 22 and 25; 5% between 26 and 30; 2% between 31 and 35; 1% between 36 and 100; 4% are virgins. Those last two statistics are heartbreakingly stunning, aren't they?

The literary references continue when survey takers were asked to pick one of the following to describe their sex life: romance (38%), fantasy (31%), comedy (22%), or tragedy (9%).

Here are some more stats for you:

50% of the respondents reported having sex 1 – 2 times per week
22% 3 – 4 times per week
21% – 0 times a week (If only 4% were virgins, we have lots of prudes mixed in!)
6% 5 -7 times per week
1% have it more than 7 times per week

63% had had sex in a car
57% in a sleazy motel room
52% sleeping bag
43% kitchen floor
32% hot tub
20% library
7% airplane
8% elevator

30% have had 2 -5 partners
22% – 1 partner
17% – 6 -10
16% – 11 -20
7% 21 -50*
4% more than 50*
4% – none
*denotes current members of Slut Rehab

20% of the librarians questions felt that sex without love is by definition bad sex. And we feel that you are delusional.

And while 61% of the respondents admitted to renting an x rated movie, 91% had also read The Joy of Sex; 29% read How to Make Love to a Man; 14% read Human Sexual Inadequacy; and 3% read Macho Sluts. Sadly, our local library does not carry the last title, but apparently it's a compliation of erotica by "noted pornographer" Pat Califia. Adding it to our Amazon wish list as we speak...

Ever get it on in a library? Send a recap of your literary encounter to slutrehab@gmail.com! Maybe we'll feature your story (anonymously if you'd like) on our blog.