And the Second Part Makes it Complete

After some down time to try to regenerate some brain cells, we’re back for Jersey Shore, part 2.

With the slow-mo and replays, it’s clear that J-WOWW clearly connected with The Situation’s face when she clocked him. Even though Vin was holding JWOWW back during the fight, in his private interview, it seems as though he really enjoyed it.

The next morning, our Guidos head back to the Shore house. That night, Vin and Pauly meet up with three girls who they “met creepin’ one day on the boulevard.” Even though Pauly has plans with the Israeli girl later on, he thinks she’s kind of annoying (translation: she’s a prude), so he’d rather hang out with the hot, fun girls. But, of course, they bump into Israeli girl on the boardwalk. He tells her that he’ll call when he gets home.

In the meantime, Snooki meets up with Keith, who seems to be wearing the same jeans and grey wife beater from the other night. Perhaps that’s his uniform. They go to Beachcomber, and once again are the only people on the dance floor. Do they close that place down for Snooki, or is it just always dead?

Back to Pauly and the gang, now at a different location. All of a sudden, Pauly looks up to see Israeli chick standing right next to him. How stealth. She gives him a t-shirt that says I <3 Jewish Girls and says he’d better call her because she won’t call him. Pauly is freaked out: “At this point I’m starting to think it’s mad weird, that chick.”

Next, Pauly goes on a scary ride with one of the new chicks, and when he gets off, Israeli girl is there waiting for him. Vinny says, “She’s definitely a stage 5 clinger.” Pauly doesn’t want to deal with it says, for the third time, that he’ll call when he gets home, which is soon because the new girls have had enough of Israeli girls and leave.

As soon as Vin and Pauly get home, the phone rings. Knowing it’s Israeli, Pauly tells Vin to answer the phone and pretend to be The Situation. Which is easy because when he answers, Israeli says, “Can I please speak to Pauly, Mike?” But then Vin says, “Aw, yo, Mike’s not here.” What an idiot. “Nah, this is Mike.” Then Vin does a great impression of The Situation, puckered lips and all. As they take the phone off of the hook, Pauly decides that Israeli is just too crazy for him.

At 2am, Pauly and The Situation decide play practical jokes. First victim? Snooki. As if she hasn’t been abused enough. The Situation slices up some pickles, then he and Pauly go into Snooki’s room. Pauly flops on top of a sleeping Snooki, apparently to distract her, but if he had just left her alone and sleeping, wouldn’t that have eliminated the need for a distraction? Anyway, The Situation hides the sliced pickles in various places: under her bed, on her nightstand, etc. Next, The Situation concocts some “Hateorade” for Vinny which includes cheese, milk, Caesar dressing, and pickle juice. Then he crawls into Vin’s room and places the bowl under Vin’s bed while he’s asleep. In the morning, both Vin and Snooki immediately notice funky smells.

But don’t forget about Israeli girl! The magic duck phone goes off again in the morning, and Pauly finally decides to take the call, but doesn’t get to have his say until about five minutes in. As the rest of the roommates sit on nearby couches watching, eating sammies, and laughing, Pauly lets it rip: “You talked my whole life on the boardwalk and when I got home, I had every intention to call you. If you weren’t such a fucking stalker, I would have called you when I got home.” After a few more words, he hangs up on her.

That night, the gang flees the stinky house to go bowling. After being told in confidence about the Hatorade, Sammi sells out The Situation, telling Vin. Loser. Aside from Snickers bowling in her flip flops (since when is that allowed?) and J-WOWW and The Situation making up, the outing is uneventful.

Back at home, Ronnie and Vinny lay into The Situation and his behavior, saying that he changed since the first day and that they liked the old Situation better than the new Situation. Things like “We like you for you” and “Just be yourself” were tossed around. The Situation insists that none of them know him—it’s only been 27 days after all. See below for some key quotes from the pretty much pointless fight.

The next night is pink and black corset night for J-WOWW and Snooki. They get all glammed up for one of the last nights out with the group. Once at the club, Pauly runs in to Israeli girl—surprise!—who says that he embarrassed her. You embarrassed yourself, ho. Still, the two leave the club and go off on a walk.

Snooki’s cudding on the couch with a blurry-face dude, her ass completely exposed with her leg thrown over his, until some blurry-faced girls sit down and ask what the two of them are doing. They say that the dude has a girlfriend—who is just feet away watching. Aw…poor Snooks—her men never work out!

As the group walks home, some girls start yelling, “Get out of Seaside Heights, tramp outfit, tramp. Go back to New Jersey, or New York, or wherever you’re from.” Ummm..you just are IN Jersey—how can they go back? And then in reference to Snooki, the girl asks, “Why is she in her Halloween costume?”

Suddenly, the guy with them starts cursing at Ronnie for no apparent reason. After some bouncers break everything up, our group continues on home. But then Ronnie runs back and knocks the guy out cold and to the ground with one punch (which we don’t see). Ronnie goes back to the group for the walk home, but then the cops find him, greet him by name, and arrest him for aggravated assault.

See you later, Ronnie!

SO SAYETH THE GUIDOS:

“If you leave, I’m gonna stuff your fucking nose with tampons.” --Snooki to J-WOWW

“She’s not even worth me looking at her.” --The Situation on J-WOWW after the fight

“I think my crotch is sticking out! I told him to put me down because I’m not trashy…unless I drink too much” –Snooki, while Keith gives her a piggy back ride on boardwalk.

“I figured, she’s like the aroma of sliced, dirty pickles.” –The Situation while preparing Snooki’s practical joke

“That hater juice is best served cold.” --The Situation, after serving up the Hatorade

“It kinda smells like old funk juice. It kind of has a pickle-y smell to it.” –Vinny, the morning after the Hatorade

“I’m not pissed that they put pickles under my bed as a joke, but I’m pissed that they wasted two pickles.” –Snooki, after she finds the pickles around her room

“Danielle’s not looking for a hookup, she’s looking for a husband. And I’m not ready for that.” –Pauly, on the Israeli girl

“It’s obvious that Sammi has a crush on me. It goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.” –The Situation

“Vinny was definitely angry about the whole cheese situation and how he was a rat and he didn’t even do nothing. I guess he knew it was true.” –The Situation, after Vin denies that a bowl was every under his bed

“You’ll never get a girl over me, son, because I’ll get ‘em first.” –The Situation to Ronnie

“I closed that deal a long time ago, bra. I already got the title for that closing.” Ronnie in reference to The Situation saying that hooked up with Sammi first

“The first thing The Situation says when he brings home a girl is ‘Yeah, she was cute.’ I’ve had shit in between my toes that look better than her.” –Ronnie

“Snooki’s outfit is crazy. She looks like a birthday cake, all decorated, boobs up in her face. I guess she wants to go out ith a bitg bang…literally.” –Vinny, on Snooki’s corset

“All right, let me grab my three girls and walk away.” –The Situation after the first part of the fight

“Damn, the kid’s sleepin’ right now.” (Shoulder shrug) “That’s what you get for talking shit.” –The Situation after Ronnie throws the punch