Well, folks, it’s the finale of Jersey Shore. We know you’ll miss it, and so will we. But, as they say, all good things must come to an end. So, relax your fists from this season of beating the beat and perfect your creep moves for summer 2010!
At the start of the not-so-exciting finale, Ronnie is still going to jail for knocking that guy out. When the gang gets home, Snooki decides to find out what the deal is
Ronnie gets out of jail, Sam cries about having to spend a night alone in the house. Ronnie doesn’t understand why he was arrested—says he didn’t deserve to be in jail. Um….you knocked a guy out. Oh, and he’s still saying how much the kid had it coming for talking smack. In conclusion, jail is a fitting place for you.
But now that you’re out, how about enjoying Labor Day weekend? It finally occurs to the group that, since they live across from the beach, maybe they should spend some time in the sand. What a novel idea. Grab your beach chairs and boogie boards, guidos!
But Snooki is disappointed with the lack of Juiceheads present. JWOWW had sounded the Juicehead alarm earlier and dragged Snook out of bed to check it out. But, alas, by the time they get there, the beefcakes have split.
But The Situation, King of the Juiceheads, has more luck when he arrives at la playa, instantly finding a lady. Okay, so the rest of the group thinks she’s jailbait, but it doesn’t matter. She’s breathing, right? Maybe she’s that special lady that the situation was looking for to spend his last night with. After all, none of the girls he collected over the summer will answer his calls.
But The Situation isn’t the only one who wants a date. Snooki wants in on the action too. So she musters the strength to call Cowboy Keith and ask him to meet up. She feels foolish for having to ask out a guy, but she pushes all of those feelings aside. Unfortunately, he doesn’t want to meet up. Looks like all that talk abot farm animals didn’t get you anywhere, Snook. But, really, we’re not sure why there’s a sudden need to find a date. Can’t she go out and dance by herself like she did the entire summer?
Oh, looks like we spoke up just in time! As if she can hear us, Snooki starts her own dance party on the boardwalk in an attempt to woo guys down from rooftop bars above. Okay, fine—she’s not always dancing by herself. Some random old people and breakdancers humor her and dance too. As they laugh. Then she looks up and sees an ex boyfriend. She shakes her stuff for him, but he refuses to help her out—or really even speak to her. This throws Snooks into a tizzy and she goes back to the house where she mopes around.
As Ronnie and Sam go out on one last date, the other bros go out for one lat wife beater-fashioned night out. They all come home to comfort Snooks. Mike gives her some pick-me-up advice and seems to make her feel better. Then he takes off her bikini top in the hot tub and shoves his tongue down her throat to really give her an ego boost.
In a final act of revenge for planting the Hate-orade under his bed, Vinnie plays a prank on The Situation. It involves a red bulldog, a hanger, and a t-shirt that says “I’m The Situation’s #1 Girl.” Meaning, The Situation only brings home dogs. The Situation gets a good laugh out of it.
After the gang has one last dinner, they reminisce and give their final interviews, each one reflecting on their time at the Shore. Then, of course, they propose getting a house next summer, which is already said to be happening. Season 2 could backfire, though, if these people stay in the spotlight in the meantime, being obnoxious and pissing people off in planes, etc. Let’s hope they can control themselves for the sake of reality TV.
The next morning, each Guido/ette gets into his./her respective shiny car (minus Snook, who hops back into her hooptie) and drives off into the sunset. Until next summer!
Some Final Brilliance:
“Should I call 911?” --Snooki, while eating a rice cake and trying to figure out how to locate Ronnie in jail
“I ended up spending a few hours for being the degenerate that I’m not. There was no reason for it.” -Ronnie, having obviously learned his lesson in jail.
“Yo, it’s gorilla central out there. Juiceheads everywhere. There are so many juiceheads out there, I’m like a kid in a candy shop.” –JWOWW on the beach situation
“Looking buff and brawly.” –Snooki, defining the term Juicehead
“I make my way over to some cute girls and do what I do best—and that’s pimpin.” --The Situation, picking up 15-year olds at the beach
“That ass did not look 12.” --The Situation on his chosen beach girl
“Why would you make me like you if you don’t even want to hang out with me.” --Snooki to Keith after he refuses to hang out with her
“I was honestly going to put my hat down so that people could put money in it. That’s what kind of a crowd I had.” –Snooki on her boardwalk dance show
“Come to my house, I miss you!” –Snooki to that ex boyfriend of hers
“No!” –The ex
“No one can ever take that bond from us. We have that bond for life.” PAUSE. “Wow, that was fucking deep.” –Pauly, reflecting on his friendship with The Situation and Vin
“If a guy doesn’t like you, it’s called fuck you—there are so many people out there in the world that’s gonna like you for you. I’m not having a girl over and I’m gonna hang out with the roommates.” –The Situation, trying to cheer up Snooks
“Pauly didn’t go on a date, but I don’t feel bad for him b/c he’s like, ridiculously, ridiculously good looking.” –Vin, also trying to cheer up Snooks
[Serious delayed reaction.]
“You have such good taste in men.” –Pauly D in response
“If you’re hungry, try a Snickers.” –The Situation in the hot tub, after taking off Snooki’s top
“Yeah, try me.” –Snooks, with a come-hither look, before she devours The Situation
“I was thinking about maybe getting down with Snooks real quick.” –The Situation, as he runs away from the hot tub
“I figure, I come in with a bang, I leave with a bang.” –Snooki, feeling better after her makeout session
“I have a lot of best memories.” –Snooki
Showing posts with label new jersey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new jersey. Show all posts
Friday, January 22, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
And the Second Part Makes it Complete
After some down time to try to regenerate some brain cells, we’re back for Jersey Shore, part 2.
With the slow-mo and replays, it’s clear that J-WOWW clearly connected with The Situation’s face when she clocked him. Even though Vin was holding JWOWW back during the fight, in his private interview, it seems as though he really enjoyed it.
The next morning, our Guidos head back to the Shore house. That night, Vin and Pauly meet up with three girls who they “met creepin’ one day on the boulevard.” Even though Pauly has plans with the Israeli girl later on, he thinks she’s kind of annoying (translation: she’s a prude), so he’d rather hang out with the hot, fun girls. But, of course, they bump into Israeli girl on the boardwalk. He tells her that he’ll call when he gets home.
In the meantime, Snooki meets up with Keith, who seems to be wearing the same jeans and grey wife beater from the other night. Perhaps that’s his uniform. They go to Beachcomber, and once again are the only people on the dance floor. Do they close that place down for Snooki, or is it just always dead?
Back to Pauly and the gang, now at a different location. All of a sudden, Pauly looks up to see Israeli chick standing right next to him. How stealth. She gives him a t-shirt that says I <3 Jewish Girls and says he’d better call her because she won’t call him. Pauly is freaked out: “At this point I’m starting to think it’s mad weird, that chick.”
Next, Pauly goes on a scary ride with one of the new chicks, and when he gets off, Israeli girl is there waiting for him. Vinny says, “She’s definitely a stage 5 clinger.” Pauly doesn’t want to deal with it says, for the third time, that he’ll call when he gets home, which is soon because the new girls have had enough of Israeli girls and leave.
As soon as Vin and Pauly get home, the phone rings. Knowing it’s Israeli, Pauly tells Vin to answer the phone and pretend to be The Situation. Which is easy because when he answers, Israeli says, “Can I please speak to Pauly, Mike?” But then Vin says, “Aw, yo, Mike’s not here.” What an idiot. “Nah, this is Mike.” Then Vin does a great impression of The Situation, puckered lips and all. As they take the phone off of the hook, Pauly decides that Israeli is just too crazy for him.
At 2am, Pauly and The Situation decide play practical jokes. First victim? Snooki. As if she hasn’t been abused enough. The Situation slices up some pickles, then he and Pauly go into Snooki’s room. Pauly flops on top of a sleeping Snooki, apparently to distract her, but if he had just left her alone and sleeping, wouldn’t that have eliminated the need for a distraction? Anyway, The Situation hides the sliced pickles in various places: under her bed, on her nightstand, etc. Next, The Situation concocts some “Hateorade” for Vinny which includes cheese, milk, Caesar dressing, and pickle juice. Then he crawls into Vin’s room and places the bowl under Vin’s bed while he’s asleep. In the morning, both Vin and Snooki immediately notice funky smells.
But don’t forget about Israeli girl! The magic duck phone goes off again in the morning, and Pauly finally decides to take the call, but doesn’t get to have his say until about five minutes in. As the rest of the roommates sit on nearby couches watching, eating sammies, and laughing, Pauly lets it rip: “You talked my whole life on the boardwalk and when I got home, I had every intention to call you. If you weren’t such a fucking stalker, I would have called you when I got home.” After a few more words, he hangs up on her.
That night, the gang flees the stinky house to go bowling. After being told in confidence about the Hatorade, Sammi sells out The Situation, telling Vin. Loser. Aside from Snickers bowling in her flip flops (since when is that allowed?) and J-WOWW and The Situation making up, the outing is uneventful.
Back at home, Ronnie and Vinny lay into The Situation and his behavior, saying that he changed since the first day and that they liked the old Situation better than the new Situation. Things like “We like you for you” and “Just be yourself” were tossed around. The Situation insists that none of them know him—it’s only been 27 days after all. See below for some key quotes from the pretty much pointless fight.
The next night is pink and black corset night for J-WOWW and Snooki. They get all glammed up for one of the last nights out with the group. Once at the club, Pauly runs in to Israeli girl—surprise!—who says that he embarrassed her. You embarrassed yourself, ho. Still, the two leave the club and go off on a walk.
Snooki’s cudding on the couch with a blurry-face dude, her ass completely exposed with her leg thrown over his, until some blurry-faced girls sit down and ask what the two of them are doing. They say that the dude has a girlfriend—who is just feet away watching. Aw…poor Snooks—her men never work out!
As the group walks home, some girls start yelling, “Get out of Seaside Heights, tramp outfit, tramp. Go back to New Jersey, or New York, or wherever you’re from.” Ummm..you just are IN Jersey—how can they go back? And then in reference to Snooki, the girl asks, “Why is she in her Halloween costume?”
Suddenly, the guy with them starts cursing at Ronnie for no apparent reason. After some bouncers break everything up, our group continues on home. But then Ronnie runs back and knocks the guy out cold and to the ground with one punch (which we don’t see). Ronnie goes back to the group for the walk home, but then the cops find him, greet him by name, and arrest him for aggravated assault.
See you later, Ronnie!
SO SAYETH THE GUIDOS:
“If you leave, I’m gonna stuff your fucking nose with tampons.” --Snooki to J-WOWW
“She’s not even worth me looking at her.” --The Situation on J-WOWW after the fight
“I think my crotch is sticking out! I told him to put me down because I’m not trashy…unless I drink too much” –Snooki, while Keith gives her a piggy back ride on boardwalk.
“I figured, she’s like the aroma of sliced, dirty pickles.” –The Situation while preparing Snooki’s practical joke
“That hater juice is best served cold.” --The Situation, after serving up the Hatorade
“It kinda smells like old funk juice. It kind of has a pickle-y smell to it.” –Vinny, the morning after the Hatorade
“I’m not pissed that they put pickles under my bed as a joke, but I’m pissed that they wasted two pickles.” –Snooki, after she finds the pickles around her room
“Danielle’s not looking for a hookup, she’s looking for a husband. And I’m not ready for that.” –Pauly, on the Israeli girl
“It’s obvious that Sammi has a crush on me. It goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.” –The Situation
“Vinny was definitely angry about the whole cheese situation and how he was a rat and he didn’t even do nothing. I guess he knew it was true.” –The Situation, after Vin denies that a bowl was every under his bed
“You’ll never get a girl over me, son, because I’ll get ‘em first.” –The Situation to Ronnie
“I closed that deal a long time ago, bra. I already got the title for that closing.” Ronnie in reference to The Situation saying that hooked up with Sammi first
“The first thing The Situation says when he brings home a girl is ‘Yeah, she was cute.’ I’ve had shit in between my toes that look better than her.” –Ronnie
“Snooki’s outfit is crazy. She looks like a birthday cake, all decorated, boobs up in her face. I guess she wants to go out ith a bitg bang…literally.” –Vinny, on Snooki’s corset
“All right, let me grab my three girls and walk away.” –The Situation after the first part of the fight
“Damn, the kid’s sleepin’ right now.” (Shoulder shrug) “That’s what you get for talking shit.” –The Situation after Ronnie throws the punch
With the slow-mo and replays, it’s clear that J-WOWW clearly connected with The Situation’s face when she clocked him. Even though Vin was holding JWOWW back during the fight, in his private interview, it seems as though he really enjoyed it.
The next morning, our Guidos head back to the Shore house. That night, Vin and Pauly meet up with three girls who they “met creepin’ one day on the boulevard.” Even though Pauly has plans with the Israeli girl later on, he thinks she’s kind of annoying (translation: she’s a prude), so he’d rather hang out with the hot, fun girls. But, of course, they bump into Israeli girl on the boardwalk. He tells her that he’ll call when he gets home.
In the meantime, Snooki meets up with Keith, who seems to be wearing the same jeans and grey wife beater from the other night. Perhaps that’s his uniform. They go to Beachcomber, and once again are the only people on the dance floor. Do they close that place down for Snooki, or is it just always dead?
Back to Pauly and the gang, now at a different location. All of a sudden, Pauly looks up to see Israeli chick standing right next to him. How stealth. She gives him a t-shirt that says I <3 Jewish Girls and says he’d better call her because she won’t call him. Pauly is freaked out: “At this point I’m starting to think it’s mad weird, that chick.”
Next, Pauly goes on a scary ride with one of the new chicks, and when he gets off, Israeli girl is there waiting for him. Vinny says, “She’s definitely a stage 5 clinger.” Pauly doesn’t want to deal with it says, for the third time, that he’ll call when he gets home, which is soon because the new girls have had enough of Israeli girls and leave.
As soon as Vin and Pauly get home, the phone rings. Knowing it’s Israeli, Pauly tells Vin to answer the phone and pretend to be The Situation. Which is easy because when he answers, Israeli says, “Can I please speak to Pauly, Mike?” But then Vin says, “Aw, yo, Mike’s not here.” What an idiot. “Nah, this is Mike.” Then Vin does a great impression of The Situation, puckered lips and all. As they take the phone off of the hook, Pauly decides that Israeli is just too crazy for him.
At 2am, Pauly and The Situation decide play practical jokes. First victim? Snooki. As if she hasn’t been abused enough. The Situation slices up some pickles, then he and Pauly go into Snooki’s room. Pauly flops on top of a sleeping Snooki, apparently to distract her, but if he had just left her alone and sleeping, wouldn’t that have eliminated the need for a distraction? Anyway, The Situation hides the sliced pickles in various places: under her bed, on her nightstand, etc. Next, The Situation concocts some “Hateorade” for Vinny which includes cheese, milk, Caesar dressing, and pickle juice. Then he crawls into Vin’s room and places the bowl under Vin’s bed while he’s asleep. In the morning, both Vin and Snooki immediately notice funky smells.
But don’t forget about Israeli girl! The magic duck phone goes off again in the morning, and Pauly finally decides to take the call, but doesn’t get to have his say until about five minutes in. As the rest of the roommates sit on nearby couches watching, eating sammies, and laughing, Pauly lets it rip: “You talked my whole life on the boardwalk and when I got home, I had every intention to call you. If you weren’t such a fucking stalker, I would have called you when I got home.” After a few more words, he hangs up on her.
That night, the gang flees the stinky house to go bowling. After being told in confidence about the Hatorade, Sammi sells out The Situation, telling Vin. Loser. Aside from Snickers bowling in her flip flops (since when is that allowed?) and J-WOWW and The Situation making up, the outing is uneventful.
Back at home, Ronnie and Vinny lay into The Situation and his behavior, saying that he changed since the first day and that they liked the old Situation better than the new Situation. Things like “We like you for you” and “Just be yourself” were tossed around. The Situation insists that none of them know him—it’s only been 27 days after all. See below for some key quotes from the pretty much pointless fight.
The next night is pink and black corset night for J-WOWW and Snooki. They get all glammed up for one of the last nights out with the group. Once at the club, Pauly runs in to Israeli girl—surprise!—who says that he embarrassed her. You embarrassed yourself, ho. Still, the two leave the club and go off on a walk.
Snooki’s cudding on the couch with a blurry-face dude, her ass completely exposed with her leg thrown over his, until some blurry-faced girls sit down and ask what the two of them are doing. They say that the dude has a girlfriend—who is just feet away watching. Aw…poor Snooks—her men never work out!
As the group walks home, some girls start yelling, “Get out of Seaside Heights, tramp outfit, tramp. Go back to New Jersey, or New York, or wherever you’re from.” Ummm..you just are IN Jersey—how can they go back? And then in reference to Snooki, the girl asks, “Why is she in her Halloween costume?”
Suddenly, the guy with them starts cursing at Ronnie for no apparent reason. After some bouncers break everything up, our group continues on home. But then Ronnie runs back and knocks the guy out cold and to the ground with one punch (which we don’t see). Ronnie goes back to the group for the walk home, but then the cops find him, greet him by name, and arrest him for aggravated assault.
See you later, Ronnie!
SO SAYETH THE GUIDOS:
“If you leave, I’m gonna stuff your fucking nose with tampons.” --Snooki to J-WOWW
“She’s not even worth me looking at her.” --The Situation on J-WOWW after the fight
“I think my crotch is sticking out! I told him to put me down because I’m not trashy…unless I drink too much” –Snooki, while Keith gives her a piggy back ride on boardwalk.
“I figured, she’s like the aroma of sliced, dirty pickles.” –The Situation while preparing Snooki’s practical joke
“That hater juice is best served cold.” --The Situation, after serving up the Hatorade
“It kinda smells like old funk juice. It kind of has a pickle-y smell to it.” –Vinny, the morning after the Hatorade
“I’m not pissed that they put pickles under my bed as a joke, but I’m pissed that they wasted two pickles.” –Snooki, after she finds the pickles around her room
“Danielle’s not looking for a hookup, she’s looking for a husband. And I’m not ready for that.” –Pauly, on the Israeli girl
“It’s obvious that Sammi has a crush on me. It goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.” –The Situation
“Vinny was definitely angry about the whole cheese situation and how he was a rat and he didn’t even do nothing. I guess he knew it was true.” –The Situation, after Vin denies that a bowl was every under his bed
“You’ll never get a girl over me, son, because I’ll get ‘em first.” –The Situation to Ronnie
“I closed that deal a long time ago, bra. I already got the title for that closing.” Ronnie in reference to The Situation saying that hooked up with Sammi first
“The first thing The Situation says when he brings home a girl is ‘Yeah, she was cute.’ I’ve had shit in between my toes that look better than her.” –Ronnie
“Snooki’s outfit is crazy. She looks like a birthday cake, all decorated, boobs up in her face. I guess she wants to go out ith a bitg bang…literally.” –Vinny, on Snooki’s corset
“All right, let me grab my three girls and walk away.” –The Situation after the first part of the fight
“Damn, the kid’s sleepin’ right now.” (Shoulder shrug) “That’s what you get for talking shit.” –The Situation after Ronnie throws the punch
Part One of a Double Feature
Since this week’s Jersey Shore was a double-whammy, we’re not going to go into as much detail as we normally do. Instead, we’ll gloss over the key points and then give you a list of the most quotable quotes. Here is part one:
We jump right back in with the whole dilemma of whether or not Sammi and Ronnie are spending too much time together. Sammi’s truly peeved that the thought would even be brought up by Snooki, and as she tries to gather The Situation and Pauly’s opinions, The Situation simply says, “Okay, I’m gonna be honest right now. The only thing we care about is gettin’ girls. Gettin’ girls and goin’ to the gym!”
Then there’s a fight over who really thinks Sam and Ron hang out too much—apparently it’s just Snooki and JWOWW. Sammy’s conclusion: they must be jealous. But the next morning, we find out that JWOWW really doesn’t give a fuck. So, now it’s just Snooki who cares. But why? She needs to just let them do their thing. So what if you think they’re not having fun or isolating themselves? Just do your thang, have fun, maybe get punched again, see what happens. Let them be couple-y and bang.
Maybe if Snooki just finds her own man she won’t be concerned with what the other are doing. Lucky for all of us, she finds one! “But he’s, like, Irish and talks like a cowboy.” Because the two go hand in hand. Since apparently he works on a farm, the two are able to bond over their love of animals—enough so that she brings him home and makes out with him. Though they don’t have sex, Snooki likes him and could maybe fall in love with him.
Also back at home after a night out is The Situation and Paula, who doesn’t care what she wears into the Jacuzzi (and therefore just wears her clothes) as long as she’s home by 7am. We must say, she’s probably the cutest girl he’s brought back all season. Anyway, they hardcore get it on in the Jacuzzi with Vin and his girl (slash the boss’s girl) giggling on the hammock nearby. When they realize they’re being watched, The Situation and Paula decide to leave the tub, and when Paula stands up, she flashes us some nip. Then, as The Situation leads her away by the hand, she totally slips and wipes out on the deck. Vinny nearly has a conniption laughing.
The next morning, Paula’s friend comes pounding at the door. It takes a while for anyone to answer, but of course Ronnie finally does—MTV should be paying him extra money to be doorman this season. So, while Paula gets bitched out by her friend for having gone MIA the night before, The Situation decides that he doesn’t want to hear the drama, so he goes into the shower. Since Paula can’t locate her things, she just leaves without her clothes. Nice. Later, The Situation calls Vin a creep for having watched the sexin.
Another night, another club. This time, Ronnie is MIA and it ends up that he’s talking to a girl (who looks like the SAW guy, btw), which The Situation makes sure to point out to Sammi, who does not approve. An exchange of words ensues, including Ronnie telling Sam not to trust The Situation because “He’s trying to creep on [her]. He’s not [her] fucking friend.” The Situation later changes his story to say that he didn’t necessarily see Ron talking to a girl—it could have been a group of people. It wasn’t.
Pauly D meets an Israeli chick—everything that needs to be said about that can be found in the quotes section below. The Situation’s sister returns, and it sounds like she’s been sucking on a helium balloon. But then Tanya (boss’s chick) shows up too, so Vin is in, according to him, “a little but of a bad situation.” He then leaves the sis to hang out with Tanya. This is not okay with The Situation, and he will defend sister’s honor. With just a few choice words, Vin ends up hanging out with sis again. Once everyone is tucked into bed, sis sneaks down to Vin’s bed to make out.
The next day, the gang packs up for Atlantic City, and once they arrive, everyone goes down for a nap. Except Snooki, who fires up the bubble bath by herself, creating her very own archway of bubbles under which she can sip her champagne. “This feels like a porno.” Yeah, a sad, lonely porno.
At dinner, people start talking shit, giving jabs back and forth. But Snooki isn’t having it. When The Situation turns to pick on her, she tells him to go fuck himself and called him annoying. Shit talking starts at dinner, both of which needed to be said. Then she asks for someone to pass her a roll, to which The Situation, right on cue, replies, “Don’t worry, you got a couple.”
JWOWW goes to make a surprise face, but really just looks like an emaciated fish (especially when paused on the DVR). As everyone tells The Situation that his comment was fucked up, Snooki leaves the table to have herself a cigarette and a good cry. The Situation refuses to go after her to apologize, and doesn’t even do so once she gets back to the table. Back in the room after dinner, Snooki cries some more, and at that point, The Situation kisses her on the head and apologizes. She tells him to watch what he says—that he’s rude, etc.
Down at the club, JWOWW and Snooki dance up on the couches, and then Snooki, in her short, short dress goes ass over teakettle. Not to worry—she still finds a guy to grind up on her. So it’s all good.
Vin also finds someone—a girl with “fake boobs, a nice butt, stomach showing” and makes out with her. But when he gets up to pee, The Situation goes in for the kill. “I pulled a robbery move on him.” He didn’t care that Vin had just been hooking up with her, The Situation just wants to have a fun night. She proceeds to give him a lap dance as he strangely pulls her hair.
As the night draws to a close, JWOWW gets sick in the bathroom and asks The Situation to bring her up to the room. He refuses, chick still on his lap. So JWOWW smacks him on the head and bitches him out, only to get kicked out of the club “like the piece of trash that she is.” (So says The Situation.)
Vin escorts Snook away from her hot man that she’d been making out with and was convinced she’d get ass from. Back in the room, Vin and The Situation bicker over whether The Situation stole Vin’s girl or if Vin just let him have her. And finally, as promised, JWOWW socks The Situation in the face again and before going to bed.
SO SAYETH THE GUIDOS:
“I believe we were pretty cute. We were holding hands possibly.” --The Situation on Paula
“You look at me and think I’m a snobby bitch, but I’m a veterinarian. I fucking save animals. Like, that’s what I do.” Snooki to her farmer/Irish man, Keith
“If I had to have sex with one guy here, it would probably be him because he’s a nice guy—he’s gotta be clean.” Snooki, reflecting on Keith and their lack of sex
“You have no game at all.” --The Situation to Vinny
“That’s not what your sister said.” --Vinny, in retaliation
“The Sammi and Ronnie situation may be crumbling as we speak. It’s only a matter of time until she pulls the eject button.” --The Situation (Insert “pulling eject button” motion here.)
“You want my card?” --Pauly to an Israeli chick a the club
“Delev--?” --Israeli chick
“Delvecchio. That’s gonna be your last name.” (AWESOME pickup line)
“Danielle Delvecchio. No, that’s too much.”
“That’s hot!”
“Danielle Delvecchio.” (In an Italian accent this time.)
“That’s fucking Italian. That’s hot!” (With hand motions, excitement, and huge smile.)
“Go to Israel? I don’t have a passport. Plus, they don’t like me. I got a cross on my arm.” --Pauly to the Israeli chick
“I don’t even understand that religion or what it is. I just want to get to the business.” --Pauly on Judiasm / the Israeli chick
“We’re not supposed to have sex until we get married.” --The last thing we hear from the Israeli chick
“I like my clothes like I like my women: options.” --The Situation, while discussing what to pack for AC
“You like your women like you like your underwear: dirty.” --Pauly D
“I gave her away as my sloppy seconds. How do I taste, bro?” --Vinny to The Situation
“I committed the robbery. You’d better grab your girl tight when I’m around because she wants me.” --The Situation to society in general
We jump right back in with the whole dilemma of whether or not Sammi and Ronnie are spending too much time together. Sammi’s truly peeved that the thought would even be brought up by Snooki, and as she tries to gather The Situation and Pauly’s opinions, The Situation simply says, “Okay, I’m gonna be honest right now. The only thing we care about is gettin’ girls. Gettin’ girls and goin’ to the gym!”
Then there’s a fight over who really thinks Sam and Ron hang out too much—apparently it’s just Snooki and JWOWW. Sammy’s conclusion: they must be jealous. But the next morning, we find out that JWOWW really doesn’t give a fuck. So, now it’s just Snooki who cares. But why? She needs to just let them do their thing. So what if you think they’re not having fun or isolating themselves? Just do your thang, have fun, maybe get punched again, see what happens. Let them be couple-y and bang.
Maybe if Snooki just finds her own man she won’t be concerned with what the other are doing. Lucky for all of us, she finds one! “But he’s, like, Irish and talks like a cowboy.” Because the two go hand in hand. Since apparently he works on a farm, the two are able to bond over their love of animals—enough so that she brings him home and makes out with him. Though they don’t have sex, Snooki likes him and could maybe fall in love with him.
Also back at home after a night out is The Situation and Paula, who doesn’t care what she wears into the Jacuzzi (and therefore just wears her clothes) as long as she’s home by 7am. We must say, she’s probably the cutest girl he’s brought back all season. Anyway, they hardcore get it on in the Jacuzzi with Vin and his girl (slash the boss’s girl) giggling on the hammock nearby. When they realize they’re being watched, The Situation and Paula decide to leave the tub, and when Paula stands up, she flashes us some nip. Then, as The Situation leads her away by the hand, she totally slips and wipes out on the deck. Vinny nearly has a conniption laughing.
The next morning, Paula’s friend comes pounding at the door. It takes a while for anyone to answer, but of course Ronnie finally does—MTV should be paying him extra money to be doorman this season. So, while Paula gets bitched out by her friend for having gone MIA the night before, The Situation decides that he doesn’t want to hear the drama, so he goes into the shower. Since Paula can’t locate her things, she just leaves without her clothes. Nice. Later, The Situation calls Vin a creep for having watched the sexin.
Another night, another club. This time, Ronnie is MIA and it ends up that he’s talking to a girl (who looks like the SAW guy, btw), which The Situation makes sure to point out to Sammi, who does not approve. An exchange of words ensues, including Ronnie telling Sam not to trust The Situation because “He’s trying to creep on [her]. He’s not [her] fucking friend.” The Situation later changes his story to say that he didn’t necessarily see Ron talking to a girl—it could have been a group of people. It wasn’t.
Pauly D meets an Israeli chick—everything that needs to be said about that can be found in the quotes section below. The Situation’s sister returns, and it sounds like she’s been sucking on a helium balloon. But then Tanya (boss’s chick) shows up too, so Vin is in, according to him, “a little but of a bad situation.” He then leaves the sis to hang out with Tanya. This is not okay with The Situation, and he will defend sister’s honor. With just a few choice words, Vin ends up hanging out with sis again. Once everyone is tucked into bed, sis sneaks down to Vin’s bed to make out.
The next day, the gang packs up for Atlantic City, and once they arrive, everyone goes down for a nap. Except Snooki, who fires up the bubble bath by herself, creating her very own archway of bubbles under which she can sip her champagne. “This feels like a porno.” Yeah, a sad, lonely porno.
At dinner, people start talking shit, giving jabs back and forth. But Snooki isn’t having it. When The Situation turns to pick on her, she tells him to go fuck himself and called him annoying. Shit talking starts at dinner, both of which needed to be said. Then she asks for someone to pass her a roll, to which The Situation, right on cue, replies, “Don’t worry, you got a couple.”
JWOWW goes to make a surprise face, but really just looks like an emaciated fish (especially when paused on the DVR). As everyone tells The Situation that his comment was fucked up, Snooki leaves the table to have herself a cigarette and a good cry. The Situation refuses to go after her to apologize, and doesn’t even do so once she gets back to the table. Back in the room after dinner, Snooki cries some more, and at that point, The Situation kisses her on the head and apologizes. She tells him to watch what he says—that he’s rude, etc.
Down at the club, JWOWW and Snooki dance up on the couches, and then Snooki, in her short, short dress goes ass over teakettle. Not to worry—she still finds a guy to grind up on her. So it’s all good.
Vin also finds someone—a girl with “fake boobs, a nice butt, stomach showing” and makes out with her. But when he gets up to pee, The Situation goes in for the kill. “I pulled a robbery move on him.” He didn’t care that Vin had just been hooking up with her, The Situation just wants to have a fun night. She proceeds to give him a lap dance as he strangely pulls her hair.
As the night draws to a close, JWOWW gets sick in the bathroom and asks The Situation to bring her up to the room. He refuses, chick still on his lap. So JWOWW smacks him on the head and bitches him out, only to get kicked out of the club “like the piece of trash that she is.” (So says The Situation.)
Vin escorts Snook away from her hot man that she’d been making out with and was convinced she’d get ass from. Back in the room, Vin and The Situation bicker over whether The Situation stole Vin’s girl or if Vin just let him have her. And finally, as promised, JWOWW socks The Situation in the face again and before going to bed.
SO SAYETH THE GUIDOS:
“I believe we were pretty cute. We were holding hands possibly.” --The Situation on Paula
“You look at me and think I’m a snobby bitch, but I’m a veterinarian. I fucking save animals. Like, that’s what I do.” Snooki to her farmer/Irish man, Keith
“If I had to have sex with one guy here, it would probably be him because he’s a nice guy—he’s gotta be clean.” Snooki, reflecting on Keith and their lack of sex
“You have no game at all.” --The Situation to Vinny
“That’s not what your sister said.” --Vinny, in retaliation
“The Sammi and Ronnie situation may be crumbling as we speak. It’s only a matter of time until she pulls the eject button.” --The Situation (Insert “pulling eject button” motion here.)
“You want my card?” --Pauly to an Israeli chick a the club
“Delev--?” --Israeli chick
“Delvecchio. That’s gonna be your last name.” (AWESOME pickup line)
“Danielle Delvecchio. No, that’s too much.”
“That’s hot!”
“Danielle Delvecchio.” (In an Italian accent this time.)
“That’s fucking Italian. That’s hot!” (With hand motions, excitement, and huge smile.)
“Go to Israel? I don’t have a passport. Plus, they don’t like me. I got a cross on my arm.” --Pauly to the Israeli chick
“I don’t even understand that religion or what it is. I just want to get to the business.” --Pauly on Judiasm / the Israeli chick
“We’re not supposed to have sex until we get married.” --The last thing we hear from the Israeli chick
“I like my clothes like I like my women: options.” --The Situation, while discussing what to pack for AC
“You like your women like you like your underwear: dirty.” --Pauly D
“I gave her away as my sloppy seconds. How do I taste, bro?” --Vinny to The Situation
“I committed the robbery. You’d better grab your girl tight when I’m around because she wants me.” --The Situation to society in general
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