Happy Birthday to You

Submitted by Lucky Prescott

It was only the first week of senior year, but it was already becoming the semester of Steves—I’d slept with two of them in as many weeks.

That first week was always filled with parties at huge clubs and hot bars, and for the first time in four years, I didn’t have to worry about a fake ID getting me through the door. But there were those issues of having to wait in line and paying a cover charge. That is, until I found out that Steve #3 was a promoter for the parties.

I’d known him since freshman year, but had never called him before. Now I had him on speed dial, finding out where he’d be so that my friends and I could drop his name at the door and get in right away, heading right to the VIP area. Fine, I was using him. But at least this provided him with a following of hot girls.

On the third night, he said that it was his birthday, so as a little gift, I gave him a lap dance at our private table. Later, we made our way back to our dorm (he lived a few floors above me) and parted ways with a kiss at the elevator. Or so I thought. About 15 minutes later, I heard a knock at the door and found Steve #3 in pajama pants, a t-shirt, and a baseball cap—so necessary at three in the morning.

He walked straight to my room and laid on my bed, hands clasped behind his head, and while looking me up and down said, “Now for my real birthday present.” How did this Jaba the Hut lookalike end up in my room, in my bed? Did I have any other choice but to give him what he wanted? After all, he’d been helping me out all week. And it was his birthday. What the hell?

So, we had the sex, and the thing that I remember most is how confident he was, how he didn’t care that he was being somewhat creepy by inviting himself to my room, how he was just shamelessly doing his thing. I mean, it was almost appealing. It almost overshadowed the fact that this was some of the least enjoyable sex I’d ever had. Almost.

A Night with Mr. ADD

Submitted by Luv the Ring

This particular night of my senior year of college started out like every other night: a little pre-game action, then out to the bars, & then post-game action at our favorite after-hours spot (a hole in the wall with a pool table & a jukebox that played Journey). Drunk & on the prowl, all I wanted was to throw myself at some lucky guy & take him home.

Unfortunately, there weren’t many options since girls outnumbered guys at my school, & the majority of those guys were either gay or ugly. But after 12 beers, everyone at the bar looked like Brad Pitt.

And so I settled for this guy – he might have been 5’6” & was a little pudgy, wearing a polo that was 1 size too small. He was president of his fraternity (if I can’t have the looks, why not settle for the power?). After some small talk, we took a taxi to my place.

The thing was, I forgot that I’d told my friend that she could use my bed for her own male adventures that night. So, my guy & I waited in the common area for about 30 minutes until she was done.

Once in the room, he wasted no time taking his clothes off & jumping next to me on my twin bed. I already knew that I’d made the wrong choice, but was too embarrassed to stop making out—until he whipped out his schlong & took my hand, trying to place it on his peni$. It was clear that I wanted nothing to do with it.

He hopped off the bed & paced around my 200 sq foot room, completely naked, his hand on his forehead, his head down, for at least 15 minutes, all the while mumbling about what he should have done, how this always happens, & how he just wanted to have sex already. It was humorous, fascinating, & tiring watching him, but I tried making him feel better with the classic “its not you, its me…im just tired” BS. Finally, he sat down & admitted that he forgot to take his ADD medication.

At that point, I kindly escorted him out.