"Soccer Fans Shun Hookers for Art's Sake"

Hookers in South Africa we're hoping to rake in the johns and the big bucks during this past month's World Cup extravaganza. Lots of tourists, lots of them men, lots of them looking for a good time--especially after their teams win. Sounds like a perfect equation for the sex industry, no? So perfect, in fact, that extra prostitues were flown in to prepare for the influx of horny men.

But the scantily clad women fluttering about the major cities of South Africa, ready to hop in the sack and make some cash, apparently weren't the kind of post-game entertainment the 2010 World Cup fans were looking for. Instead of shacking up for a one-night-stand or two, visitors were taking in some culture at museums and art galleries, which have reported record attendance since the World Cup began.

"The World Cup has been devastating," one madam even told CNN. "...I can't wait for everyone to just go home now!"

We have to say that this is an unfortunate turn of events for sex and for sex workers, but we have to sound a vuvuzela chorus to humanity for taking the higher road and occupying themselves with culture instead of hos. Guess the World Cup fans had their fair share of balls during the games.

Tales of a Prostidude

So, as you may or may not know, Nevada now has its first-ever male prostitute. This was a big deal a month or so ago—all over the news, etc—and now he’s back in the headlines.

Today, the NY Post ran an undercover story of one woman’s trip to Nevada, where she spent two hours with “Markus” for $500. Don’t bother reading the article, which is just a bunch of incoherent factoids slapped together. Here is your cheat sheet:

* The woman did not sleep or make out with ex-Marine Markus (real name, Patrick). This is the most important fact. How can you write an undercover expose if you don’t experience the goods? What a waste of $500.
* He is well-hung and has a crazy body.
* Patrick has mommy issues, which he credits as the reason he got into prostitution.
* He lost his v-card at age 23 (he’s 25 now) and has only slept with a total of SIX (6) women. What business does he have being a prostidude? Despite all of the publicity his hiring received, the reporter is only his second client.
* This man is truly pathetic—likening himself to Van Gogh, Moby, Rosa Parks, and Steve-O.
* We need less talk, more action. Surely the reporter just tried to keep him talking, but the unnecessary autobiography Patrick provided just makes him look ridiculous.

Add in the pre-getting-dirty shower to inspect each other’s goods and the heart-shaped, candle-filled hot tub…this revolutionary prostidude is everything you’d expect him to be.