"Soccer Fans Shun Hookers for Art's Sake"

Hookers in South Africa we're hoping to rake in the johns and the big bucks during this past month's World Cup extravaganza. Lots of tourists, lots of them men, lots of them looking for a good time--especially after their teams win. Sounds like a perfect equation for the sex industry, no? So perfect, in fact, that extra prostitues were flown in to prepare for the influx of horny men.

But the scantily clad women fluttering about the major cities of South Africa, ready to hop in the sack and make some cash, apparently weren't the kind of post-game entertainment the 2010 World Cup fans were looking for. Instead of shacking up for a one-night-stand or two, visitors were taking in some culture at museums and art galleries, which have reported record attendance since the World Cup began.

"The World Cup has been devastating," one madam even told CNN. "...I can't wait for everyone to just go home now!"

We have to say that this is an unfortunate turn of events for sex and for sex workers, but we have to sound a vuvuzela chorus to humanity for taking the higher road and occupying themselves with culture instead of hos. Guess the World Cup fans had their fair share of balls during the games.

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's a....Boobquake?

Set your knockers free--it's Boobquake day!!

Did you know that you, scantily-clad women of the world, are the cause for the abundance of earthquakes happening lately? Well, apparently that's the case, at least according to some Islamic cleric out there. The devastating earthquakes all around the globe have been a direct punishment from God for all of the skanks trotting about our planet.

As a result, a Purdue University student declared today Boobquake, a day where women everywhere should leave their bras at home and let the girls bounce around as they see fit. The problem? There was actually an earthquake today in Taiwan....

...maybe the Islamic guy was onto something after all?

Either way, we hope you're giving your bras a break today!

No More Boners On-the-Go!

Apparently Apple is going on the warpath and slashing any apps that are too sexy. Have these changes affected you? Let us know if you're getting cockblocked by Apple!

The Fun-less Ship

Unfortunately, we have some sad news for you today. Carnival Cruise Lines will no longer host cougar-themed cruises. We know, we know. Apparently things were getting too freaky between the 20-something cubs and 40+ something cougars on board and the family-friendly cruise line decided to put an end to it all.

Our condolences.