What's That Rustling Noise?

The nation's capital is urging women to "get turned on" by the female condom, placing ads all over the city, including on the sides of 460 buses. In an attempt to empower women by letting them take control of their own sexual destinies, the city is giving out the latest and greatest female condom, called the FC2, saying that it will “tease, please and protect.”

Since March, the campaign to hand out 500,000 condoms in the DC area has been underway, which goes to show you how poorly the idea is going over with local women. After all, the condoms have been up for grabs for four months and yet apparently that half a million goal hasn’t been met. How ever could that be so? Here are some of the FC2’s selling points:

• The female condom can be inserted up to 8 hours before sex—so not only does this mean that the mood doesn’t have to be broken by reaching for a condom, it also teaches women time management and planning strategies. Say you have plans to get wasted after work on a Friday night, you don’t have to worry about being too drunk to make sure a condom is being used.

• The new-and-improved condom now covers a larger external area, protecting even more against STDs while keeping the vaginal area extra insulated on a wintry day. Just make sure you tell your partner before starting to mess around—how embarrassing would it be to have someone reach down there only to feel rubber??

• The FC2 is less noisy than its predecessor, which apparently sounded like a rustling plastic bag during sex. Going back to point one, imagine sounding like a crinkling baggie all day!

Sadly, DC is the only place where you can get these oh-so-practical contraceptives outside of a health clinic. So either stock up the next time you go to get tested, or plan a road trip to the land of the Potomac. Otherwise, it looks like you’re stuck with a good ol’ dental dam!

[via Salon]

"Soccer Fans Shun Hookers for Art's Sake"

Hookers in South Africa we're hoping to rake in the johns and the big bucks during this past month's World Cup extravaganza. Lots of tourists, lots of them men, lots of them looking for a good time--especially after their teams win. Sounds like a perfect equation for the sex industry, no? So perfect, in fact, that extra prostitues were flown in to prepare for the influx of horny men.

But the scantily clad women fluttering about the major cities of South Africa, ready to hop in the sack and make some cash, apparently weren't the kind of post-game entertainment the 2010 World Cup fans were looking for. Instead of shacking up for a one-night-stand or two, visitors were taking in some culture at museums and art galleries, which have reported record attendance since the World Cup began.

"The World Cup has been devastating," one madam even told CNN. "...I can't wait for everyone to just go home now!"

We have to say that this is an unfortunate turn of events for sex and for sex workers, but we have to sound a vuvuzela chorus to humanity for taking the higher road and occupying themselves with culture instead of hos. Guess the World Cup fans had their fair share of balls during the games.

Commentating Hugh Hefner's Grand Slam

Ever wonder what it's like to bang 84-year-old Hugh Hefner? We thought so! And lucky for you, Kendra Wilkinson has written a tell-all memoir appropriately titled "Sliding Into Home," in which she shares her story of growing up a drug addict, becoming a stripper, and finally getting frisky with the Playboy himself.

We sincerely hope she goes into as much detail as possible, because who wouldn't want to know what it's like to cuddle up to an octogenarian sack of bones?

[via CNN]

Breaking News: Hooking Up Leads to More Sexual Partners!

So, it's official--scientists spend way too much time in the lab. Why, you ask? A group at the University of Iowa found the need to conduct a study about the amount of sexual partners people in committed relationships have vs people who have friends with benefits. Their conclusion? Those who enjoy friends-with-benefits scenarios are more likely to have sex with multiple people.

Um, we could have told you this just by common knowledge. And if statistics were necessary, we could have simply stood at the entrance of any freshman dorm in America polling drunken co-eds on their way in from the bar.

Hey, thanks scientists for wasting what we're sure was hard-t0-come-by grant money to come up with this more-than-obvious conclusion. How about you stop rubbing yourself with the contents of petri dishes once and a while and turn on some TV? We recommend Jersey Shore.

[via Gawker]

So, you read Playboy for the articles?

Congratulations, all of you slutterbugs! Playboy is now going to have a safe-for-work webpage, complete with all of those articles you LOVE to read!

No nudies here, "The Smoking Jacket" will give you a dose of "men's entertainment" without getting in trouble with the boss. Translation: get ready to use your imagination a whole lot more than you've been used to.

[via cnn.com]

A USB Port Like No Other

One of our tipsters sent us a piece about this ridiculously awesome Craigslist ad, where some secret-agent ho shoved her one-night-stand's flash drive up her poon and peaced out. Apparently his hard drive just didn't do enough for her. Fantastic!!

Librarians are Sluts Too, Ya Know

We always knew librarians were hiding something beneath those sweater sets and cat-eye glasses. And now the finally-released results of a 1992 librarian sex survey prove it.

While some reviewers are saying that there's nothing too risque to report on, we feel that there are quite a few secrets hidden amongst the stacks to discuss.

Let's start out with this one: "22% of the respondents felt that libraries should have condom dispensers in their bathrooms." WTF, why? Perhaps to save the librarians time from peeling apart the Playboy, Playgirl, and Playguy magazines that 40%, 23%, and 6%, respectively, of the surveyed think libraries should carry. (BTW, we need a copy of Playguy stat.) Or, to go along with the 17% of respondents who felt that libraries should carry X rated videos.

Then we get to the part about the librarians' own sex lives. Fittingly, each librarian was asked to liken their first time to a Shakespearean titles: 28% chose Comedy of Errors; 23% chose Midsummer’s Night Dream; 22% chose Much Ado About Nothing; 21% chose All’s Well That Ends Well; and 6% chose Rape of Lucrece.

Speaking of first times, 12% of the bookworms lost their virginity between ages 12 -15; 22% between 16 and 18; 37% between 19 and 21; 17% between 22 and 25; 5% between 26 and 30; 2% between 31 and 35; 1% between 36 and 100; 4% are virgins. Those last two statistics are heartbreakingly stunning, aren't they?

The literary references continue when survey takers were asked to pick one of the following to describe their sex life: romance (38%), fantasy (31%), comedy (22%), or tragedy (9%).

Here are some more stats for you:

50% of the respondents reported having sex 1 – 2 times per week
22% 3 – 4 times per week
21% – 0 times a week (If only 4% were virgins, we have lots of prudes mixed in!)
6% 5 -7 times per week
1% have it more than 7 times per week

63% had had sex in a car
57% in a sleazy motel room
52% sleeping bag
43% kitchen floor
32% hot tub
20% library
7% airplane
8% elevator

30% have had 2 -5 partners
22% – 1 partner
17% – 6 -10
16% – 11 -20
7% 21 -50*
4% more than 50*
4% – none
*denotes current members of Slut Rehab

20% of the librarians questions felt that sex without love is by definition bad sex. And we feel that you are delusional.

And while 61% of the respondents admitted to renting an x rated movie, 91% had also read The Joy of Sex; 29% read How to Make Love to a Man; 14% read Human Sexual Inadequacy; and 3% read Macho Sluts. Sadly, our local library does not carry the last title, but apparently it's a compliation of erotica by "noted pornographer" Pat Califia. Adding it to our Amazon wish list as we speak...

Ever get it on in a library? Send a recap of your literary encounter to slutrehab@gmail.com! Maybe we'll feature your story (anonymously if you'd like) on our blog.