What's That Rustling Noise?

The nation's capital is urging women to "get turned on" by the female condom, placing ads all over the city, including on the sides of 460 buses. In an attempt to empower women by letting them take control of their own sexual destinies, the city is giving out the latest and greatest female condom, called the FC2, saying that it will “tease, please and protect.”

Since March, the campaign to hand out 500,000 condoms in the DC area has been underway, which goes to show you how poorly the idea is going over with local women. After all, the condoms have been up for grabs for four months and yet apparently that half a million goal hasn’t been met. How ever could that be so? Here are some of the FC2’s selling points:

• The female condom can be inserted up to 8 hours before sex—so not only does this mean that the mood doesn’t have to be broken by reaching for a condom, it also teaches women time management and planning strategies. Say you have plans to get wasted after work on a Friday night, you don’t have to worry about being too drunk to make sure a condom is being used.

• The new-and-improved condom now covers a larger external area, protecting even more against STDs while keeping the vaginal area extra insulated on a wintry day. Just make sure you tell your partner before starting to mess around—how embarrassing would it be to have someone reach down there only to feel rubber??

• The FC2 is less noisy than its predecessor, which apparently sounded like a rustling plastic bag during sex. Going back to point one, imagine sounding like a crinkling baggie all day!

Sadly, DC is the only place where you can get these oh-so-practical contraceptives outside of a health clinic. So either stock up the next time you go to get tested, or plan a road trip to the land of the Potomac. Otherwise, it looks like you’re stuck with a good ol’ dental dam!

[via Salon]

"Soccer Fans Shun Hookers for Art's Sake"

Hookers in South Africa we're hoping to rake in the johns and the big bucks during this past month's World Cup extravaganza. Lots of tourists, lots of them men, lots of them looking for a good time--especially after their teams win. Sounds like a perfect equation for the sex industry, no? So perfect, in fact, that extra prostitues were flown in to prepare for the influx of horny men.

But the scantily clad women fluttering about the major cities of South Africa, ready to hop in the sack and make some cash, apparently weren't the kind of post-game entertainment the 2010 World Cup fans were looking for. Instead of shacking up for a one-night-stand or two, visitors were taking in some culture at museums and art galleries, which have reported record attendance since the World Cup began.

"The World Cup has been devastating," one madam even told CNN. "...I can't wait for everyone to just go home now!"

We have to say that this is an unfortunate turn of events for sex and for sex workers, but we have to sound a vuvuzela chorus to humanity for taking the higher road and occupying themselves with culture instead of hos. Guess the World Cup fans had their fair share of balls during the games.

Breaking News: Hooking Up Leads to More Sexual Partners!

So, it's official--scientists spend way too much time in the lab. Why, you ask? A group at the University of Iowa found the need to conduct a study about the amount of sexual partners people in committed relationships have vs people who have friends with benefits. Their conclusion? Those who enjoy friends-with-benefits scenarios are more likely to have sex with multiple people.

Um, we could have told you this just by common knowledge. And if statistics were necessary, we could have simply stood at the entrance of any freshman dorm in America polling drunken co-eds on their way in from the bar.

Hey, thanks scientists for wasting what we're sure was hard-t0-come-by grant money to come up with this more-than-obvious conclusion. How about you stop rubbing yourself with the contents of petri dishes once and a while and turn on some TV? We recommend Jersey Shore.

[via Gawker]

So, you read Playboy for the articles?

Congratulations, all of you slutterbugs! Playboy is now going to have a safe-for-work webpage, complete with all of those articles you LOVE to read!

No nudies here, "The Smoking Jacket" will give you a dose of "men's entertainment" without getting in trouble with the boss. Translation: get ready to use your imagination a whole lot more than you've been used to.

[via cnn.com]

Happy Belated Birthday, Birth Control!

Hey ladies (and grateful gentlemen)--hope you took some time on Sunday to wish birth control a happy 50th birthday!

Photo credit: nateone from flickr

Bad Romance: Grandma/Grandson Edition

So there's been this article flying about the Internet recently about this grandmother/grandson duo in Indiana who have sought out a surrogate mother to carry their lovechild. As a disclaimer, the article has been removed from its original website, perhaps indicating that the whole thing is a hoax--which makes it all that much more disturbing.

Apparently grandma had a daughter but gave her up for adoption. Years down the line, the daughter had a son, who eventually tracked grandma down once said daughter/mother passed away. When he sent his 72-year-old grandmother a photo of his 27-year-old self, her first reaction was quite natural: "I thought what a handsome and sexy man." Obviously. So then the two met, at first just hanging out, doing standard grandma/grandson things like bowling, shopping, and eating out. Ew, considering the next part of the story, which needs to be a direct quote from grandma, who couldn't hide her feelings anymore:

"'I called Phil into my bedroom, sat him on the bed, and then I leant over and kissed him,' Pearl says.

'I expected rejection but instead he kissed me back.'..."

Sound the incest alarm! Since then, they've carried on as lovers, moving in together and banging three times a week.

Look, dude, we understand that you're apparently some loser who may have self-esteem issues which give you zero game with the ladies. But your GRANDMOTHER? REALLY? Life is that bad?

Maybe we should be happy that two souls found each other and feel a connection like they've never felt before. Maybe it's not so bad since they never even knew each other until now--it's almost like they're just two people randomly meeting on a bus or on an online dating site. Maybe it's okay because they're adults and adults can do what they want.

Maybe not. We're going to go puke now.

[via Gawker]

A USB Port Like No Other

One of our tipsters sent us a piece about this ridiculously awesome Craigslist ad, where some secret-agent ho shoved her one-night-stand's flash drive up her poon and peaced out. Apparently his hard drive just didn't do enough for her. Fantastic!!

Tomorrow is Fear to Freedom Day

Despite our sexual content and pro-sluttiness agenda, we're a huge supporter of RAINN (Rape, Assault, & Incest National Network), and we hope you are too. Every voice counts when taking a stand against sexual crimes suffered by both men and women--crimes that too often get ignored or brushed off.

Tomorrow, April 28, is a day to take a stand by participating in Fear to Freedom Day. This past month has been Sexual Assault Awareness Month, with workshops, meetings, demonstrations, and forums all over the country, where survivors and their supporters have come together to bring awareness to sexual assault and it starts coming to a close tomorrow.

Here is the low-down on Fear to Freedom Day, according to Rosemary Trible, a rape survivor and fellow RAINN supporter--we hope you take part and spread the word--tomorrow and every other day:


FEAR TO FREEDOM DAY
APRIL 28, 2010
Renewed Hope, Restored Self-worth and Joy for Survivors


In the last few months, I have been speaking across the country about my own dark, fearful journey that began in December of 1975 when I was raped at gunpoint. Since my book, Fear to Freedom, was released, my heart has been burdened for so many people who I have met who have been crushed with fear from an experience with sexual assault.

As April is recognized as sexual assault month, let’s make April 28th, Fear to Freedom Day. This day signifies that we can find the freedom to move from victim to victory.

Sexual assault places a dagger of fear deep in one’s heart that lingers after the physical pain is gone. Fear is like bacteria - - when it stays in the dark it grows, but it dies when it is brought to the light. Fear to Freedom Day will help bring this terrible crime to light and empower those who have kept this secret deep in their hearts.

On April 28th, let’s join together in saying enough is enough and take back the joy that has been stolen and join the journey from fear to freedom.

Please send this message to friends ask them to join us April 28th for Fear to Freedom Day. There are a few things we can do on Fear to Freedom Day: firstly, take a moment to think about anyone you know who has been sexually abused. Secondly, reach out with a phone call or email letting him or her know you care about them. Thirdly, tell us your story. We want to gather 100 Fear to Freedom stories of people who have overcome sexual assault and are willing share their healing journeys to empower and support others.

Post your story on Fear to Freedom’s Facebook page, under the Freedom Journey Stories in the discussion feature.

Let’s take April 28th, Fear to Freedom Day, join together and fight against sexual assault and help the brokenhearted find hope and joy.

Librarians are Sluts Too, Ya Know

We always knew librarians were hiding something beneath those sweater sets and cat-eye glasses. And now the finally-released results of a 1992 librarian sex survey prove it.

While some reviewers are saying that there's nothing too risque to report on, we feel that there are quite a few secrets hidden amongst the stacks to discuss.

Let's start out with this one: "22% of the respondents felt that libraries should have condom dispensers in their bathrooms." WTF, why? Perhaps to save the librarians time from peeling apart the Playboy, Playgirl, and Playguy magazines that 40%, 23%, and 6%, respectively, of the surveyed think libraries should carry. (BTW, we need a copy of Playguy stat.) Or, to go along with the 17% of respondents who felt that libraries should carry X rated videos.

Then we get to the part about the librarians' own sex lives. Fittingly, each librarian was asked to liken their first time to a Shakespearean titles: 28% chose Comedy of Errors; 23% chose Midsummer’s Night Dream; 22% chose Much Ado About Nothing; 21% chose All’s Well That Ends Well; and 6% chose Rape of Lucrece.

Speaking of first times, 12% of the bookworms lost their virginity between ages 12 -15; 22% between 16 and 18; 37% between 19 and 21; 17% between 22 and 25; 5% between 26 and 30; 2% between 31 and 35; 1% between 36 and 100; 4% are virgins. Those last two statistics are heartbreakingly stunning, aren't they?

The literary references continue when survey takers were asked to pick one of the following to describe their sex life: romance (38%), fantasy (31%), comedy (22%), or tragedy (9%).

Here are some more stats for you:

50% of the respondents reported having sex 1 – 2 times per week
22% 3 – 4 times per week
21% – 0 times a week (If only 4% were virgins, we have lots of prudes mixed in!)
6% 5 -7 times per week
1% have it more than 7 times per week

63% had had sex in a car
57% in a sleazy motel room
52% sleeping bag
43% kitchen floor
32% hot tub
20% library
7% airplane
8% elevator

30% have had 2 -5 partners
22% – 1 partner
17% – 6 -10
16% – 11 -20
7% 21 -50*
4% more than 50*
4% – none
*denotes current members of Slut Rehab

20% of the librarians questions felt that sex without love is by definition bad sex. And we feel that you are delusional.

And while 61% of the respondents admitted to renting an x rated movie, 91% had also read The Joy of Sex; 29% read How to Make Love to a Man; 14% read Human Sexual Inadequacy; and 3% read Macho Sluts. Sadly, our local library does not carry the last title, but apparently it's a compliation of erotica by "noted pornographer" Pat Califia. Adding it to our Amazon wish list as we speak...

Ever get it on in a library? Send a recap of your literary encounter to slutrehab@gmail.com! Maybe we'll feature your story (anonymously if you'd like) on our blog.

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's a....Boobquake?

Set your knockers free--it's Boobquake day!!

Did you know that you, scantily-clad women of the world, are the cause for the abundance of earthquakes happening lately? Well, apparently that's the case, at least according to some Islamic cleric out there. The devastating earthquakes all around the globe have been a direct punishment from God for all of the skanks trotting about our planet.

As a result, a Purdue University student declared today Boobquake, a day where women everywhere should leave their bras at home and let the girls bounce around as they see fit. The problem? There was actually an earthquake today in Taiwan....

...maybe the Islamic guy was onto something after all?

Either way, we hope you're giving your bras a break today!

A Horse is a Horse

So as not to get sued, let's be honest right now--we're getting all of our info for this post from this Radar article. So, Oprah--sue them, not us!

Apparently the Queen of Daytime Talk has been making her billions since high school when she would send her younger siblings out on the porch with popsicles while she brought older boyfriends into her bedroom and performed "The Horse" on them for cash.

Though we can't (and don't want to) imagine Oprah performing a move like this, urbandictionary.com says that The Horse is "a sexual position where you have her get down on all fours..you put a pencil in her mouth and have her bite down on it and screw her from behind untill she starts blowing air outta her mouth...it sounds like a horse... "

We imagine it to be more of a rodeo. Either way, that's the Oprah sex news (according to Radar Online).

Who will be the Lucky Caller?

Ladies, get in line now! Larry King is single!

Seems that things with his eighth wife have gone south, so lucky for all of you, he's back on the market.

Just picture be bound up with those suspenders, yelled at to speak louder with that raspy voice, giving a massage to that hunch back.

Heavenly, no?

Pole Dancing 101

Thinking about a college transfer? How about a semester abroad? While there are plenty of options out there, Cambridge University just earned a few bonus points. Why is that? Well, they now offer pole dancing. That's right.

Though your stripper skills won't necessarily be graded, they will definitely improve with this school-sponsored course, meant to provide "harmless fun" during stressful times. But there is one downside: No high heels allowed.

So how are you supposed to work your way up the strip club cages if you don't learn the craft in clear, platform, stripper shoes? Or even worse--how can you earn a spot on the Pole Dancing Olympic Team? Will all of your exotic dancing dreams be dashed if you take classes at a reputable, accredited university? Maybe you're better off jumping stripper-heel first onto the poles at the good old Golden Banana after all.

The Scent of a Woman's...Crotch?

Can't get enough of that oh-so-sweet poon smell? Well, now you can buy it in a bottle, with this new German cologne aptly named Vulva. Simply roll-on the scent-o-vagina, made out of "organic content" such as the "urine, sweat, and female arousal" of one particular blonde woman. The extraction and bottling process sounds quite complicated, but in this interview with Vice, the company head stands by his product.

No More Boners On-the-Go!

Apparently Apple is going on the warpath and slashing any apps that are too sexy. Have these changes affected you? Let us know if you're getting cockblocked by Apple!

Honey, Can You Hold My Whip Please?

Ever wonder what it's like to balance your job as a dominatrix with your real life and boyfriend? Find out here.

Suck & Disorderly

Here's a case of male model sluttiness. Looks as though this Prada model thought he could get off of some public drunkenness and disorderly conduct charges by offering to suck off the arresting cops. Yeah, that's the way you'll beat the disorderly conduct charge.

Tales of a Prostidude

So, as you may or may not know, Nevada now has its first-ever male prostitute. This was a big deal a month or so ago—all over the news, etc—and now he’s back in the headlines.

Today, the NY Post ran an undercover story of one woman’s trip to Nevada, where she spent two hours with “Markus” for $500. Don’t bother reading the article, which is just a bunch of incoherent factoids slapped together. Here is your cheat sheet:

* The woman did not sleep or make out with ex-Marine Markus (real name, Patrick). This is the most important fact. How can you write an undercover expose if you don’t experience the goods? What a waste of $500.
* He is well-hung and has a crazy body.
* Patrick has mommy issues, which he credits as the reason he got into prostitution.
* He lost his v-card at age 23 (he’s 25 now) and has only slept with a total of SIX (6) women. What business does he have being a prostidude? Despite all of the publicity his hiring received, the reporter is only his second client.
* This man is truly pathetic—likening himself to Van Gogh, Moby, Rosa Parks, and Steve-O.
* We need less talk, more action. Surely the reporter just tried to keep him talking, but the unnecessary autobiography Patrick provided just makes him look ridiculous.

Add in the pre-getting-dirty shower to inspect each other’s goods and the heart-shaped, candle-filled hot tub…this revolutionary prostidude is everything you’d expect him to be.

Speak Your Mind!

Just wanted to draw your attention to this great comment from one of our readers about our Feminism vs. Promiscuity post from a couple of weeks ago. Let us know how you feel about the topic--we love hearing what you have to say!

"finally getting around to reading this--you should have a link to this article on your homepage at all times. it's pretty much the ultimate debate/question for people like us.

i just do not see a damn thing wrong with girls having & enjoying lots of sex, under whatever circumstances they choose. as long as the girl is being safe with STDs/pregnancy and realizes that she's not going to find a boyfriend/husband in this manner, then who gives a shit? why the hell should anyone else have a say in it that counts for more than a random person's opinion? granted, she will get absolutely NO respect from most men or women (which is truly unfortunate in many cases), but as long as she continues to respect herself, why is it so wrong? why can she not just have fun and do whatever without hurting anyone or herself?

and i really don't give a crap about the double-standard aspect of this; this has nothing to do with guys as far as i'm concerned. i actually have more of a problem with the typical idea of feminism than i do with promiscuity of women or men, because i can't see the problem with a girl being slutty by choice. i can't see why a slut cannot also be a feminist.

so many feminists want to give women "power" and "equality" by stripping them of their actual femininity and sexuality. some people seem to equate being a feminist with taping down your boobs, paying for all your own stuff, and wearing pantsuits. it's ridiculous.

any woman can earn respect, regardless of what she looks like or who she is having sex with, by using her brain, showing that she's smart and hard working, showing that she deserves to be taken seriously--but to imply that these same women cannot also be fun, playful, trendy, pretty, sexy, girly, etc., is completely missing the point. having a healthy attitude about sex is a huge part of it all, of life in general--and what a real feminist would be in favor of. not that bedding down every male or female in sight is going to be "healthy" for every girl, but for those who are really, truly ok with that behavior, more power to them."

Pork More in Argentina

Ooooh yeah....the Argentinean presidente likes to pork.